There’s a lot I could say about Jennifer …
They’re in movies and TV shows all the time. Those moments that change characters. For better or worse, for introspection or self-denial, for regret’s sake or rejoice.
I lost my friend.
She spoke a mile per minute. She was stubborn as hell when she had an idea or a goal. She never spoke ill of anyone—no joke. She smiled in a way that infected you and before you knew what was happening the corners of your lips would match hers. She loved to a fault. Her conviction knew no bounds. Neither did her mistakes. She was one of the best human beings I knew. And she’s no longer here.
She’s not coming home for Thanksgiving. She’s not working to heal other children who were burned. She’s not going to answer my texts. She’ll have no wedding. She can’t create the family she’s always wanted. She won’t be a figure head in her sorority family anymore. She’ll never come home for Christmas. She’ll never hear how sorry I am for being a shitty friend in the end. She’ll never look at me like “uhhh when have you ever been a shitty friend?” She can’t hold her mom and dad again and neither can they hold onto her.
She’s 32 and she’s gone and it’s weird. The world hasn’t stopped since October 18. The new year is coming. I’m moving to the city with my boyfriend. Friends from four jobs ago got laid off. My mom’s neighbor threw a halloween party. Thanksgiving was yesterday. Today is Black Friday. The earth is still rotating. The universe is still expanding.
Nothing has stopped.
But by God how I wish it would.